How was your Labor Day weekend? Mine was failish. We stayed with Matt’s great-aunts just south of Buffalo, NY. They asked him about food preferences before we ever got there, and I’m not sure why. They’re great cooks, don’t get me wrong, but he told them I’m low-carbing, [...]]]> 248.5 | 226 | 140

How was your Labor Day weekend? Mine was failish. We stayed with Matt’s great-aunts just south of Buffalo, NY. They asked him about food preferences before we ever got there, and I’m not sure why. They’re great cooks, don’t get me wrong, but he told them I’m low-carbing, and guess what our dinner was the last night we were there? This whole-grain and cheese casserole. It was some kind of so-called “ancient wheat,” kinda like spelt, only not. Oh, and croutons. Let’s not forget the croutons. To add to the fun, they’re the type who were raised to eat what’s put in front of you at meals and you’re not supposed to have food at any other time, and if you don’t finish your meal, too bad, you’re going hungry. Granted, I’m 36, but I didn’t feel like fighting that particular battle. The other foods available were steamed broccoli and a salad with onions and peppers in it, and I despise onions and peppers (with the exception that I’ll eat something with pureed onion–if not excessive–or onion powder in it). Even if the salad hadn’t been littered with culinary landmines, have you ever tried getting full on leaves and roots? Don’t work so hot, do it?

Then the next day we were at my old friend Kerry’s apartment and zucchini bread and banana bread were on offer. That was a lot more avoidable but I thought, In for a penny… Then later, as we were driving back toward Ohio, we stopped at a Denny’s and really, just about everything comes with a starchy side-dish. In for a pound…

I dreaded weighing in today, so I’m pleasantly surprised to see I only gained a pound. Yes, two pounds since the last official weigh-in, but somewhere in between I was at 225 and wrote about it here, so I’m counting from that point.

I’m back on track today. We’ll see how it goes.

Expect things to be weird at the blog this week. I’ve decided to reboot and start treating this like a real blog–a real job, to be honest. It’s gotten cluttered up and I want it to look better. So I’ll be working on that for the next few days.

I will also be dumping a lot of old content that doesn’t really seem to serve any purpose. I may recycle some of it later, I don’t know yet.

I have also realized that with all the unpleasantness this past summer–and wow, what a disappointment, finding an old love who is still unencumbered shouldn’t be that painful!–I seem to have lost that curmudgeonly voice that some of y’all have come to know and love. My focus has been way off and I don’t like what the experience has done to me. I did learn some valuable lessons, and did come to terms with some things from my past that I’d left buried too long, but I also let someone beat me down emotionally who never should have gotten his claws into me again in the first place. He actually wanted me to quit blogging, at least about my personal life. Can you believe that shit? Tell me to stop writing and you might as well tell me to cut off my hands. And we’re not talking about putting a stop to Jerry-Springer-esque “confessions.” Almost any mention of him whatsoever, he considered offensive. And I almost caved. And I can’t believe I did that. If there are any guys lurking out there who’d do the same to me, or worse? I’m done. You earn your place in my life or you get none at all.

(The blogging thing, by the way, was not why we split. We split because I called him one day and a woman answered the phone. Wow, I would think he’d have changed at least a little bit in two decades…)

Time to get back on track. It’s my car and I’m driving. Get your fuckin’ hands off my wheel and drive your own.

Pretty much the theme song of my life right now.

No big secret why. I can haz comfurt fuds? I can haz sushi? Today it was a Crimson Cup latte. I asked for sugar-free syrup but there was enough hidden sugar elsewhere in the drink that I was out of ketosis by the time [...]]]> FYI, I weighed in at 225 this morning. STALL-ing! DUM-DUM-DUUUUMMMMM!

No big secret why. I can haz comfurt fuds? I can haz sushi? Today it was a Crimson Cup latte. I asked for sugar-free syrup but there was enough hidden sugar elsewhere in the drink that I was out of ketosis by the time we got home this evening. Whoops.

OK. I’m waiting for software to get here. Then I am going to reboot this sucker. It’s time I made it look like an actual semi-professional blog instead of this… whatever this thing here is that I’m doing.

Stay tuned… DUM-DUM-DUUUUMMMMM!

(Also? Anything I ever said about thinking I had a future with my high school sweetheart? Forget I ever said it. Completely off-topic, but… yeah. Wanna know why I’ve been depressed? There you go. At least now I don’t have to be anymore, ’cause I know what’s going on.)

After that one week where I lost eight pounds, sometimes it feels like I am swimming through molasses with the weight loss. Fun! But at least it is still a general downward trend.

I have pretty much lost all fear that I will ever see the 230s again. [...]]]> 248.5 | 223 | 140

After that one week where I lost eight pounds, sometimes it feels like I am swimming through molasses with the weight loss. Fun! But at least it is still a general downward trend.

I have pretty much lost all fear that I will ever see the 230s again. That’s awesome. And it’s looking more and more like I will be in the two-teens within the next month. Right now I’m wearing a pair of shorts that I could sort of squeeze into when I began this latest journey in February, but that now fit me something like normally. I am completely comfortable in them at this point. Even when they’ve just come out of the drier and I haven’t stretched them at all yet. (They’re denim.)

I can’t wait til they’re loose on me.

Still not happy with my eating patterns, with the exception that when I do eat I make it count, choosing to snack on cheese or meats rather than crap. Still wondering if I would lose faster and at a more steady pace if I were getting more calories. Still haven’t found out. This is shaping up to be the Holy Grail of my weight-loss journey, I tell ya. That, or a snipe hunt.

I am taking supplements, though. I’ve been better about that, in fact, than I’ve ever been all along. Most days now I remember to take them, and I chase ‘em with a protein shake. (Part coconut milk, part water, part heavy cream [but not much], a scoop of whey protein powder and a couple packets of Splenda, shake well and chug.) If I can manage nothing else I make sure to get my A and D. If I can manage everything else I’m also, at the moment, taking these:

• vitamin A in oil capsule
• vitamin D in fish oil capsule
• calcium and vitamin D (much smaller amount) in liquid suspension capsule
• co-enzyme Q10 (in case I’ve fried my arteries at all over the years)
• glucosamine and chondroitin tablets (my joint problems are mostly inflammatory and have calmed down, but still)
• liquid multivitamin
• thyroid supplement including powdered organs, iodine, and L-tyrosine
• milk thistle capsule (I probably gave myself a raging case of fatty liver along with the ab fat)
• iron and zinc that I take on alternating days
• selenium that I take daily along with the thyroid supplement
• liquid multivitamin that covers the other stuff I don’t take separately

My goal is still to get most of the nutrition I need from my food, but I’m not there yet and I am not making my body wait until I do get there. It has suffered too much already. And I must be doing something right because I feel better, don’t crave a lot of crap, and my mental processes are slowly improving.

By the way, if you supplement both iron and calcium, and you happen to take them on the same day, take them several hours apart. They are antagonistic to one another. I am not up on how all the vitamins and minerals work together, though, so I can’t give you much more advice than that where minerals are concerned. Do take them with fat-soluble vitamins and another source of dietary fat, though, when you can. You get maximum benefit that way. I don’t take the iron and zinc every day because the doses are like 300 percent of the recommended daily value and I know my body will store some of it. The selenium I am constantly short on, or so I notice when I track my food, and it’s an antioxidant mineral that my thyroid really needs for optimum function, so I’ll be taking that one daily for a while.

In other news, if you come back here soon and the blog looks funny, don’t panic. I have been putting off updating to the latest version of the Atahualpa theme I use because I know all my settings will be lost. The latest versions of the theme let you export a settings file, but not the version I’m using. So I will have to bite the bullet and set aside some time to tweak the site again after the update. Apologies in advance for the anticipated visual clutter.

(You should see my yard. The Violet [...]]]> So, the dude who emailed me yesterday was Zachary of The Paleo Garden, and he’s actually a huge sweetie and I feel awful now that I got all het up about the email. Here is a whole mess of violets for ya, dude, and keep talking.

(You should see my yard. The Violet Fairy threw up all over it, I think, or spilled her paint pot or something. By the way, if you’re paleo-ly inclined, they’re not just pretty, they’re also a good source of vitamin C… and totally paleo, unless you candy them, and if you do I won’t tell.)

One of the reasons I nitpick about gender stuff sometimes is that one of my experiences, as a woman, has been that there isn’t much room in the world for a woman who talks like I do. At least online. I’m a lot quieter in person unless I’m really comfortable with you. Even then it’s iffy. But online it’s like that mental block goes away, and you get to see me in all my snarky glory. Some people appreciate it, like Jamie, although she’s got her own lil’ snark-fu going on there, and is much more subtle about it than I am. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been accused of being a guy, especially in chat rooms and especially in the early years I was online. It seems like people are getting used to smartassed women on the Internet now, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still have a long way to go. (And no, my name’s not Baby.)

The irritating part is that so often I’d catch crap from progressives. I was like, Do you believe in all that shit about women’s equality or don’t you? When a guy acts like that you just think he’s had a bad day and you stay friends with him and you move on with things. When a woman gets all hot to trot you gang up on her and kick her out of your little social circle. What is that? I’m not even in that great of company; liberal dudes frequently joke about Ann Coulter being transsexual. Oh good lord… I know the woman’s crazy as a bedbug, but her crime is being opinionated, not trying to pee standing up.

So yeah. It’s been fun. One of the reasons, in fact, that I don’t have many friends anymore. I can’t just shut up and let it slide when my back’s against the wall. Then again, I always did find it hard to just let go when a principle was at stake. Dunno what that is, it just is. The few people who stuck around figured that out about me, I guess, and decided they could live with it.

Now you know where the blog name came from.

So anyway, it’s nice to see there are, well, nice people out there. I knew there were, but I usually scare them. So hi, Zach, and welcome to the blogroll and all that. I apologize for my boorish behavior before.

‘K, that’s it for now, I want to write more, but it wouldn’t be on topic here, and anyway I have offline stuffs to do.

I have had this laptop since 2006, I think (2007 at the latest), and have used it so much that I’ve worn off the surface color in a few spots, worn off parts of letters on the keyboard (except the S, which is completely gone), and now… have poked a hole in the [...]]]>

I have had this laptop since 2006, I think (2007 at the latest), and have used it so much that I’ve worn off the surface color in a few spots, worn off parts of letters on the keyboard (except the S, which is completely gone), and now… have poked a hole in the A key with my left pinky fingernail. My nails are not that long, but long enough, and I type with my fingertips mostly.

And for all that typing and being online and shit, I somehow neglected to check my Gmail often enough to figure out that three of my domains had expired.

D’oh!

All is well. Today is payday, so everything’s back on track. Well, last I looked my personal homepage was still not back up, but I figure they’ll get to it when they get to it. A2 is a marvelous hosting service, and I’m the idiot who took too long to renew my domain, so as long as it goes through it can be delayed for a little bit. It’s totally copacetic.

Now to get off this dietary failathon I was on before the domain failathon. Hrrrrrrmmmmmm.

I love having my photo taken. Really.

Well, OK, that’s actually my face. Sorry for the mixup.

I’ve started and abandoned this blog too many times to wanna bother counting. I start in with weight loss, get along at a pretty good clip, then abandon it, just like my [...]]]> …and I’m a fatass.

I love having my photo taken. Really.

Well, OK, that’s actually my face. Sorry for the mixup.

I’ve started and abandoned this blog too many times to wanna bother counting. I start in with weight loss, get along at a pretty good clip, then abandon it, just like my blog. Except my blog doesn’t have demented insulin and glucose levels, isn’t more than 100 pounds overweight, and doesn’t have trouble recognizing its own face in the mirror.

I want to wait until I get in to see a doctor so that I can get baseline labs and stuff done. I also want to do meal planning because otherwise I’ll be flying by the seat of my pants and that hasn’t worked any of the other times I’ve done it. I will grant you, my pants are large enough I could put wire frames in them and actually fly, but never mind.

Anyway, we’re not looking for flight here, we’re looking for falling. As in my weight, so I can bend over at the waist again without squeezing the breath out of my lungs. So I can maybe buy shoes again because my feet won’t be quite so wide. So I can see my cheekbones. And so on.

I intend to start by February 1 whether or not I’ve been to the doctor. That is my deadline. Period. I can’t take much more of this.